But it isnt so difficult. From that point on, progress will be rapid. The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. As to them, his policy is undoubtedly sound, but he did not distinguish between such people and the alcoholic. Of course he would have dinner, and then I could drink openly with him. Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. Four: You may have a husband of whom you completely despair. Perhaps he could handle, say, three drinks-no more! Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. But I do love How anonymous this The Big Book is an outline for recovery, never claiming to be a "cure" or a certain solution for everyone and anything. You will note that we made an important qualification. They run to extremes. God makes that possible. God save me from being angry. Living modestly, my wife and I saved $1,000. Common words are needed to keep the book to a reasonable size and an affordable cost. So to you out there-who may soon be with us-we say Good luck and God bless you!. Was I crazy? Whether you mention this book is a matter for your discretion. My writhing nerves were stilled at last. The early history of AA tells us that even Bill W. had a sponsor who's name was Edwin T. There are 103 "Musts" in the third Edition. He suffered horribly from his sprees, but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. A tumbler full of gin followed by half a dozen bottles of beer would be required if I were to eat any breakfast. . If he does not want to stop drinking, dont waste time trying to persuade him. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who had undertaken certain responsibilities for the mental health of the community. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. But if you cannot or will not stop drinking, I think you ought to resign.. But this is not an end in itself. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion. I had been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. That didnt seem to bother me so I tried another.. The Big Book App contains the first 164 pages and Doctor Bobs story. As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not. Entire Original Manuscript (about) including the stories. Potential alcoholic that I was, I nearly failed my law course. Perhaps you have such a man in mind. I was amazed. Work better. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. His action met wide-spread approval, and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town. Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance. In some cases it may be better to let someone outside the family present the book. If your husband is otherwise a normal individual, your chances are good at this stage. Let us take another illustration. That is why we are anxious that you understand, and that you avoid these unnecessary difficulties. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. Everybody had given them up. It is open, we believe, to all men. It is our hope that these pages can be a source of inspiration to you. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. Make him feel absolutely free to come and go as he likes. But why not? What could we have done better? He said to the doctor, Is there no exception?, Yes, replied the doctor, there is. This, the first translation of the core 164 pages of the Big Book, is written by a sober 12-year member of AA. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. A Secular Sobriety Including a Secular Version of the First 164 Pages of the Big Book is available as a paperback or kindle at Amazon USA or at Amazon Canada.. He and his family can be a bright spot in such congregations. Even so has God restored us all to our right minds. Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. In a weak moment he may take your dislike of his high-stepping friends as one of those insanely trivial excuses to drink. The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. If we can forget, so can she. He was on a different footing. Though some of his manifestations are alarming and disagreeable, we think dad will be on a firmer foundation than the man who is placing business or professional success ahead of spiritual development. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesnt deserve it. He too, has become a respected and useful member of his community. Naturally this sort of thing decreased the mans chance of recovery. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? 69 SEX - In meditation, we ask God what we do about each specific matter. As wives of Alcoholics Anonymous, we would like you to feel that we understand as perhaps few can. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Next morning I telephoned a friend in Montreal. Remember that we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful! We have had long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self-pity, misunderstanding and fear. I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 164 and More - Big Book and 12&12 Concordance - Kindle edition by LLC, Recovery Press. He made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. 4-b. We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. It should continue for our lifetime. Should it happen again, regard it in a different light. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Understanding myself now, I fared forth in high hope. A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. There is comfort in knowing you arent alone, that what youre feeling isnt unusual, and that there is a solution. Some of us veered from extreme to extreme, ever hoping that one day our loved ones would be themselves once more. Now, the domestic problem: There may be divorce, separation, or just strained relations. If he does not, you will probably not have long to wait. One of many good places to begin is in Alcoholics Anonymous (aka the Big Book), specifically Chapter 4, We Agnostics.. But the wise family will admire him for what he is trying to be, rather than for what he is trying to get. 164. This is sometimes a mistake. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. But why shouldnt we laugh? Do you want to stop drinking or not? Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all. For the 11 point font, Holidays in Ocean Alley is 36,200 words including the front matter and list of my other books at the back. All Rights Reserved. They have included the ability to print certain parts of the manual or save pages of the manual to PDF. To you, liquor is no real problem. It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. When sober, father usually obeyed. I told her to say that I was not interested. I rather appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I had learned. It didnt work. It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Welcome to silkworth.net. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. What is this but a miracle of healing? We have sought sympathy. Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. Both of you will awaken to a new sense of responsibility for others. Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties. If they sense these things, they will not take so seriously his periods of crankiness, depression, or apathy, which will disappear when there is tolerance, love, and spiritual understanding. This is not an overnight matter. But at least he will understand the problem and will no longer be misled by ordinary promises. The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. Little or nothing, we saw at last. When he renews interest in such things, a feeling of jealousy may arise. Its strong language-but isnt it true? . Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. Maybe the doctor has been called in, and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals has begun. Even when he wanted to assert himself he could not, for his drinking placed him constantly in the wrong. Its water over the dam. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Many of us have felt, for the first time, the Presence and Power of God within its walls. But dad doesnt give freely of himself. Why? You may have to curb his desire to work sixteen hours a day. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. Down the lobby a door opened into an attractive bar. If you propose such a procedure to him, it may be necessary to advance the cost of treatment, but we believe it should be made plain that any expense will later be deducted from his pay. The checking account melted like snow in June. You will make mistakes, but if you are in earnest they will not drag you down. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely. Perhaps at this point we got a divorce and took the children home to father and mother. We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of jitters. Live and let live is the rule. If common words were not discarded, the The web site uses a less-restrictive set of common words than the printed book. Big Book Study Edition (Softcover) This Big Book option is really great! Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We become much more efficient. if no word is received by its October 19 meeting. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. You might say you appreciate his abilities, would like to keep him, but cannot if he continues to drink. If this kind of approach does not catch your husbands interest, it may be best to drop the subject, but after a friendly talk your husband will usually revive the topic himself. Childhood memories rose before me. It also has its own Facebook page and Len R is now in the process of creating audio versions of each of the chapters, available on YouTube. Words contained within the first 164 pages of the Big Book. Sorting and rendering passages in the proprietary format of the 164 and More concordance does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous . My musing was interrupted by the telephone. Suppose an approach is made something like this: State that you know about his drinking, and that it must stop. Frequently, you have felt obliged to tell your husbands employer and his friends that he was sick, when as a matter of fact he was tight. I dare to disagree with the words of Bill Wilson. But, for the most part, the original text . These family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to your husband. The doctor proved to be able and exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the situation. But this is only a half-truth. They see its significance everywhere. Grfica e Servios Grficos de Cajamar, Jundia, Vinhedo e Regio When it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Copyright 2005-2013 by Recovery Press. We began to ask medical advice as the sprees got closer together. 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